In today’s busy world where we’re supposed to have active and fulfilling lives, and where we’re following unachievable lifestyles on social media – is even the idea of self care stressing us out? The idea of taking time for ourselves to do nothing when there’s a million other things we could / should be doing, or paying for an expensive spa visit that we can’t actually afford isn’t perhaps as relaxing as we would want. The glorified idea of self care that we see on Instagram with luxurious beauty treatments or expensive yoga retreats can make you feel even more stressed, which defeats the whole purpose of aspiring towards genuine self care.
I would argue that we should instead be embracing slow living as a kind of self care, to really allow us to let go and not feel like we need to be doing everything all the time.
Glorified self care?
When reading about self care I often come across suggestions such as going for a manicure / pedicure, buying myself a treat, doing exercise, eating at a fancy restaurant, buying flowers for my house, getting a haircut, or going for a massage. These are of course lovely things (and I wish I could afford going for a massage on a weekly basis) but are they actually just suggesting that we need to be spending a lot of money to treat ourselves and that ideally we should also be doing things to make ourselves look prettier?
Maybe, instead, we allow ourselves to take time to do less, for less money? And this is where slow living comes in because it allows us to take a step back, slow down, and take the time to reflect on what’s actually important to us.
Practising self care could perhaps instead of those other (glamorous) things just be, having some quiet time, getting some fresh air, drinking a glass of water and having a good stretch each morning, reading that book we never get time to read, taking a nap, or having a social media detox.
Doing nothing as genuine self care
There was a really interesting chat during Ethical Hour on Twitter earlier this month about slow living and self care, but it was rather worrying to see the amount of people (women) who felt guilty about taking time for themselves. This is of course more difficult if there are kids around but younger women were feeling equally stressed and guilty about taking the time to do nothing, with non-supportive comments from other over achievers at university or at work. But the stress we feel when trying to over achieve isn’t helping anyone, so how about we start normalising taking time for ourselves, even to be lazy?
I love being on my own – just going for a walk or to a museum or wander in and out of second hand shops – and this is part of who I am and what makes me happy. So it’s nothing the feel guilty about. If staying in, watching movies and eating ice cream is what makes you happy then that’s nothing to feel guilty about. It’s who you are and what you enjoy. Using the phrase ‘guilty pleasure’ isn’t helpful either, as again, it brings guilt into the equation.
Slowing down can of course mean ‘going with the flow’ a bit more, but finding a balance and actually being organised and plan things to allow for less stress is also an option if that helps you plan, and take time for, your self care.
Slowing down to appreciate what we have
A slow living lifestyle could maybe at first feel like you’re sacrificing other things, but the whole idea is that, as time goes by, you realise you don’t need those other things and you appreciate what you have. Slow living is also about actually appreciating having to wait for something – saving up for something we’ve been wanting to treat ourselves with, or waiting for something to be created before we can have it, to appreciate craftsmanship – as a way to avoid spending money on things we don’t need. For me, slow living also means taking a step back from this world of over consumption, slowing down, taking time to appreciate what I have and how I actually want to spend my money and my time.
As we learn to appreciate what we have, we learn to take pleasure from the small things that are already around us. Self care shouldn’t have to cost us a lot of money and the aim shouldn’t be to look prettier – it should just make us feel good, and I find that it’s actually the small (free) things that I tend to appreciate the most, as I for example don’t have to feel stressed about the amount of money I’ve spent. One of my favourite things this warm summer, that have also made me really appreciate living where I live, have been to walk down to the end of our street and go for an evening swim as the sun sets – beautiful light, time for myself, a bit of exercise, and the quietness of a calm Stockholm suburb. Pure bliss.
These small things are what can truly make a difference, to our self care routine and to our lives in general. Going for a walk in a local park after dinner, or starting Saturday mornings by sitting down on a bench somewhere nice and listening to an episode of your favourite podcast. Or using the morning shower as a form of meditation, washing away any stress and anxiety. And for added benefit, taking a cold shower, as cold water has been proved to improve our mood, give us more energy and decrease stress levels.
I’m hoping we’ve seen peak-luxury-self care and that we’re instead going towards a different kind of self care. One where the level of ambition and money spent is way lower and where we can just have a nice quiet time for ourselves every now and then. And I’d love to get more ideas on this so please do share yours!